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Tuesday, January 27, 2009
live life to the fullest they say. but how do i do tt? when ppl just dun wish to undrstd u. well.once agn i've got noone to blame but my ownself.i just dun wish to share.
i just dun wish to trouble my besties anymore. they've done a great job on their side. but i didn't do my part:( all i'm filled with is sadness,emos.
nth but tt.i tried to pull myself together agn.but each tyme i do i crumble and fall. i'm sick and tired of putting up a facade.
i'm just fatigued and things just keep souring for me. my parents put so much hope in me. and what did i do in return.crashed their very high hopes down. filial ain't i.fuck no!
loyalty hve been my middle name for e long years before. but now what am i doing? hiding away from my friendships.
i dunnoe what's happening to me.. i wish to go out and hve fun with my friends. but @ e same tyme i wanna be here with my family.and just simply coop myself @ hme.
somehow i fl tt my subconscious mind is overpowering my actions. what i wanna do end up what i dun do. i procrastinate more than anything.
and thanks to all tt i end up hurting e ones i love dearly. i've bn bumming myself @ hme. i fl really useless. yeah housework all done.cooking suddenly bcame my hobby.
but this ain't what i want! i need a fcuking job.sighs. i nd to repay my bestie. i nd $$ for my 21st bday. such a nuisance:(fcuken cunt!
this is one of e reason why i'm cooping myself. i've got no cash to be all happy and enjoying. each tyme i look @ mum worrying over finance issues.it pissed me off.yet it's pitiful too. MONEY IS E ROOT OF ALL EVIL!CUNT!!!
at tymes i fl real suicidal. but who wld care enough to undrstd. sighs.everyone has their own probs. i dun wiish to intervine with mine. let myself succumb to this misery.
tears has run dry.i fl like crying. but they end up being tearless. only my heart feels e pang. but my eyes clear as glass.no tears @ all.
crying was my antidote. my now tt too has gone. nth fits anymore. my life's jigsaw lacks majority of its parts. how do i fixed it?-sighs.
fcuk.why do i bother blogging? not like anyone bother to read. ppl will just go: " oh this emo shit.no agn with her emo entry.can't she see life has more to offer than just to lament her life away?" come be me.and perhaps u'll fanthom my plea. perhaps u'll see e reason why i'm like this.
sometymes ppl creates walls not to separate herself from e world. but to see who would be willing enough to tear down tt wall and save her.
on a happier note:~ my joy of friendship is somewhat revived thru all those blogs updates and facebook events(: somehow i cld fl their joy somewhat.tts what i do daily.i read them up every single day so i wun exactly miss out on their ongoing lives(:i may not be thre physically but just know tt u'll always be in my prayers each and every passing day love ones.no fret there(: u guys still fill my mind and my heart irregardless.stay strong in whatever u do.for god will help u thru it all and one day u'll find e hidden bliss to ur sufferings now.much loves.
