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life's a mess:(
everything is.sighs.
when i fl like it's all
falling back into place.
things just had to
fall apart again.
there's a danger in loving somebody too much.
and i could never change you.
i will never blame you.you don't have to be at fault.
like a fool who will never see the truth.i keep
thinking something's gonna change.
But only love can say
try again or walk away
But I believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So I'll just play my part
And pray you'll have a change of heart
But I can't make you see it through
That's something only love can do

How can someone make me so sad
But still I only want you to stay
I wanna say "I love you" so bad
But I dont wanna scare you away
Please I wish that you'll understand
That I wanna be more than just your friend
I wish you loved me.

DEAR GOD,
please gimme e strength
to go thru this all.
to make me see what i'm blinded to.
to give me e ability to move on.
to simply forget all this grief.
god just let me think with a clear mind.
and let me forget all tt i've bn thru.
those beautiful memories i shared with him.
pls just let it past.
i just want him to have his happiness.
dear god,just grant me tt one wish.
for him to find e ryte one.
who will rly stay by his side.
and not hurt him.
i guess i'm just not good enough for him.
i'm walking away from all these.
not cos i want to.
but i fl like i nd to.
his happiness means everything to my life.

It hurts to be in love, when the only one you love
turns out to be someone who´s not in love with you.
It hurts to love him so
when deep down inside you know,
he will never want you, no matter what you do.

and so you cry a little bit
oh you die a little bit    
Day and night, night and day
it hurts to be in love this way.

how long can I exist?
wanting lips I´ve never kissed
he gives all his kisses, to somebody else.
he thinks I´m just a friend
though it hurts, I must pretend
the only way to keep him, is to keep it to myself.

And so I cry a little bit 
Oh I die a little bit     
Day and night, night and day
it hurts to be in love this way.

And so I cry a little bit
Oh I die a little bit    
Day and night, night and day
it hurts to be in love this way.

It hurts to be in love, day and night, night and day
it hurts to be in love. night and day, day and night
it hurts to be in love, day and night, night and day......

Friday night beneath the stars
In a field behind your yard
You and I are paintin' pictures in the sky
And sometimes we don't say a thing
Just listen to the crickets sing
Everything I need is right here by my side
And I know everything about you
I don't wanna live without you

I'm only up when you're not down
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground
It's like no matter what I do
Well you drive me crazy half the time
The other half im only trying to let you know
That what I feel is true
And I'm only me when I'm with you

Just a small town boy and girl
Livin' in a crazy world
Tryin' to figure out what is and isn't true
And I don't try to hide my tears
The secrets or my deepest fears
Through it all nobody gets me like you do
And you know everything about me
You say that you can't live without me

I'm only up when you're not down
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground
It's like no matter what I do
Well you drive me crazy half the time
The other half im only trying to let you know
That what I feel is true
And I'm only me when I'm with you

When I'm with anybody else, it's so hard to be myself
Only you can tell

That I'm only up when you're not down
Don't wanna fly if your'e still on the ground
It's like no matter what I do
Well you drive me crazy half the time
the other half im only trying to let you know
that what I feel is true

And I'm only me
Who I wanna be
Well, I'm only me when I'm with you
With you

Uh huh
Yeah

Aunty Bernadette D'Cruz

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU AUNTY(:
SO FAST HUH 48 YEARS HAS PASSED.
OHMY..BUT AUNTY MAY U ALWAYS BE
BLESSED WITH GOOD HEALTH AND PROSPERITY(:
i love with 2nd mother(:
you're e swittest mummy EVER(:















































sick and tired of this whole thing.
why can't i just be emotionless.
and not care or feel e fcuking
emotion CALLED love..
it just simply sucks.heard it?
SERIOUSLY FCUK IT?
HEARD IT?

Name 15 people. At the end of the survey, choose 10 people to tag.
Name the people before reading the question. (Random Order)
[P.S; It doesn't matter if I put you 1st or the 15th or in between, cause you guys are all equally special to me alright? So if you didn't make it to this list, too bad, you haven't made much of an impact in my life then, TRY HARDER!)

1.Pilar
2.Mellie Bellie
3.Theo
4.Nicholas
5.Jeremie
6.Kevin
7.Shah
8.Kai
9.Thurs
10.Ashley
11.Suzana
12.Nash
13.Cousin
14.Jer
15.Nisha

Q1: What is your relationship with 14?
`he's someone's special;)


Q2:Do you love 6?
`he's <3 much(:

Q3:Did you see 13 naked before?
`she'd seen me before(:


Q4:How did you know 5?
`@ a clubb.lols.

Q5:Is 9 a boy or a girl?
`he's a guy but look a bit like a gal(: lols.

Q6:Is 7 your best friend?
`my major butch hotty(:

Q7:What is 12's full name?
`not too sure.lols.

Q8:Can 4 be in a relationship with you?
`lols.god knows.

Q9:Who does 2 always hang out with?
` me & my lala.

Q10:What school does 10 go to?
` damai sec

Q11:What is 11's telephone number?
`cn't rmbr.lols.

Q12:What did 1 tell you that you'll always remember?
`i'm her bestfriend(:

Q13:Are you very close to 15?
`my lil sis.lols.okay2 ahh.

Q14:What is the very special thing about 3 that you like the most?
`all of him(:

Q15:What do you hate most about 8?
`her perv-ness.lols.

`anyon3 who wish to(:

LOVE IS NOT AN EASY GAME TO PLAY.PERIOD
love sucks.hurhur.
i miss him so much.
but i'm living in denial.
sighs.sooo blardyy sadd laa.
why can't i just be normal
for a bit and be who i was.
to stop being this emo shitt.
hurhurhurhurhurhur..
i wanna be e one to cheer his day up.
instead of being e one who always
brings his day down.know wad i mean.
it's just stupid of me laa.
urghs.when i have e best thing
tt i cld EVER have.
i tend to got over-emotinal by it.
and i end up losing it
over my emotional turmoils spasm.
arghhs.but i guess i'll be fyne.
as days goes by;
thou said:tymes heals ALL wound.
so pls heal mine too.pls pls pls.
PWEETTYYY pls with a cherry on top.


P.S.:
MELLIE CHUA XINNI!!!!!
u're e one who NVR reads my blog.hurhurhur.
can tagg lala NVR tagg me.hurhurhurhur...

HEARTACHES.TEARS.
♥ ♥ ♥

just ended e day badly.
doomed forever.
fls empty w/o ur texts.
sighs.bn waiting for ur text
all day/all nyte long.
didn't slp a wink e whole of yest nyte.
sighs.stayed awake to wait for
ur text.but none came.sadly.
i guess u're better off w/o me ard.

TO ALL MY LOVE ONES(to those who do cre):
♥ sorry if i stop contacting you all for awhile.
♥ i really need to find myself back.
♥ i'm just simply hurting badly.


♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
P.S:all i pray for each day/nyte is ur happiness loves.

it's hard to wait around for something that you know might not happen but its even harder to give up,when you know it's everything you ever wanted.


LIFE IS MEANINGLESS;
tears all seemed to have dried up somehow.
nth seems to flow thru me.
whatever i read or hear.
it just passes thru me.
or maybe in me and it settles deep in.
i dun wish to react anymore.
seriously.like i think what i've always wanted.
was to be numbed and stuffs and tts exactly
what i'm doing ryte nw.
it seems to hurt so badly inside.
yet i just brushed it off and be strong.
tts exactly wad he does and i'm learning from e best i say.
it's just wierd u noe how i'm surpressing this pain in me.
i nvr knew i had this much strength.
i'd always be a sucker @ keeping my feelings in
or to numb it seriously.i'll just end up bursting
my feelings out;be it to stranger or just someone approachable.
seriously.i just cnt keep it bottled in.
i'll just simply go crazy if i were to do tt.
but now i'm doing it freaking well.
tt i'm freakingly shocked @ my capability.
seriously.e capability of just shutting up.
and not breaking dwn unnecessarily.
this is e person i wanna be.i dun wish to be
sucha pussy.a fcuking girl who is forever
crying.and just an emotional wreck.
seriously.i hate it.i hate having to break down
and cry and let it all out to a total stranger.
or to trouble my bestfriends or my close
dudes or dudettes.it's just ain't fair for them u noe.
not like i'm e only one with all this.
i think they're going thru enough alrdy.
i dun nd to add in my sorrows and whims to their
life too.sighs.i dunnoe.i just fl like i owe
ppl too much.and i'm doing nth to repay them
but instead i'm being so idiotic and giving
them whims and whines and endless repetitive stories
of my never ending life struggles.
not like i'll die or anything ryte?
ppl can still live in peace w/o love ryte?
yeah i'm sure i can.i will.
no matter how much i break within.
i'll give him his happiness(:
he dun nd me in his life.he just dun.
he'll do better w/o me in it i guess.

WITHOUT YOU BY MY SIDE.
no matter how much it's tearing me apart to say this,i'll still say it.
i'll love u gratifyingly even if it's just my soul hovering over u.
and not my physical self being reliantly there for u.i apologise for this
stupidity of me.i just fl like i bring trouble to ppl's life.and nvr happiness.
no matter how much it's killing me inside;i'll want u to be happy..
only god knows how much i miss you already.
my lonely weekends w/o you.
hurting but i'll deal with it.i can do it.
those places we've been to.will remain e
most beautiful reminiscences ever created.
i'll never ever forget a single moments of those
memoirs i had with u seriously.it's tattoed in me.
now and for e rest of my life.
i cnt wait to see u for e last tyme.

GOD LED ME TO THIS;
i nvr ask to meet you,
it just happened.
i nvr ask to feel this way.
it just came.
i nvr ask to fall so deeply into you,
it just did.



MY ACHING HEART.
i dunnoe why i nd u so much.
u're e motivation.
e one who keeps me on my feet.
e one who brings me much happiness.
sighs.it ain't ur fault @ all.no.
it's just me.i'm just too emo.
i just suck @ controlling my emotions.
esp so when i fall in love so deep for someone.
after so long.sighs.i guess i cnt force u to love me.
thus i'm choosing to walk away.
it's not ur fault.just mine.
really.all mine.all mine.stupidly mine.
mine for falling for u.mine for loving u.
seriously.it's simply my fault.
ohwells.call me emo.say i'm beating myself over and over agn.
u ARE NOT ME.
U DUNNOE WAD E FCUK I FL.
U DUNNOE HOW IT'S KILLING ME.
TO BE FCUKING 19 AND HAVING TO WORK
TO HELP SUPPORT E FAMILY.
AND TT MY MONEY JUST DON'T DROP FROM SKY.
YET I'M TAKING THINGS FOR GRANTED.
NOONE FCUKING UNDRSTDS ME.
COS I'M ME.I DUN ASK TO BE UNDERSTOOD.
COS TRUST ME IT'S DIFF TO UNDRSTD ANOTHER.
ALL I'M ASKING FOR IS FOR SOMEONE TO
STAND BY ME.HELP PICK ME UP WHEN I'M DOWN.
JUST HUGG ME TO REASSURE ME TT EVERYTHING'S OKAY
EVEN IF IT'S NOT.JUST TO STAND BY ME AND LISTEN
TO ALL MY WHIMS AND LET ME CRY IT ALL OUT TO THEM.
AND NOT CALL ME NAMES FOR IT.EMO KID OR WAD NOT.
IS IT MY FAULT TT I SUFFER FROM SO MUCH EMOTIONAL TURMOIL.
PPL SAY MY PARENTS CHANGED.
FCUK I CHANGE TOO.AREN'T I A FCUKING HUMAN?
DARN IT.THEY TOOK SO FCUKING LONG TO CHANGE.
I'VE ALRDY LOST MY PATIENCE.AND I CHANGED INTO A STONE
FOR MY FCUKING FAMILY.I DUN FL ANYMORE FOR THEM.
IT HURTS A LIL EACH TYME MY MUM CRY.
BUT IT FELT GOOD SOMEWHAT MAKING HER CRY.
COS TTS ALL THEY DO TO ME.
ALL THEY GAVE ME WERE TEARS.
EMPTY PROMISES!FCUKING EMPTY PROMISES.
AND NOW WHEN I GAVE THEM A TASTE OF
THEIR FCUKING OWN MEDICINE.
THEY START GRUMBLING TO EVERYONE I'M UNGRATEFUL.
I'M NOT A FILIAL DAUGHTER.AND THIS IS HOW I REPAY
THEM FOR BRINGING ME UP.
IF I HAD HAPPY GROWING UP LIFE.
I WLDN'T END UP LIKE THIS.
TO BE FORCED TO GROW UP IN SUCH ENVIRONMENT.
TO BE CALLED HURTING NAMES AND STUFFS?
TO BE PHYSICALLY ABUSED.TILL I BLEED AND STUFFS.
I FORGAVE THEM RLY I DID.I'M GRATEFUL TT THEY CHANGED.
BUT MY HEART.IT JUST DUN FORGET.
I EASILY FORGIVE.BUT I SUCK @ FORGETTING.
IT'S LIKE LIL IMPRINTS IN MY HEART.IT'LL STAY FOREVER
JUST LIKE A TATTOO.IT'LL NVR FADE AWAY EVEN GIVEN TYME.
I CNT BEAR TO HURT THEM PHYSICALLY BUT
I DO IT IN A MORE CRUEL WAY.I DO IT EMOTIONALLY.
IT'S FAIR AIN'T IT.WHAT U GIVE IS WHAT U GET.
I JUST WANNA DO WHAT I FL IS MAKING ME HAPPY.
AND MY FCUKING HAPPINESS HAPPENS TO BE WITH HIM.
BUT HIS HAPPINESS ISN'T FOR ME.
I JUST WISH I CN HAVE SOMEONE WHO RLY APPRECIATES ME
FOR ALL TT I DO FOR THEM NOT AS A FRIEND BUT AS
SOMEONE AS SPECIAL TOO.
I DUN ND ANOTHER BESTFRIEND.
NOR ANOTHER CLOSE FRIEND.
I HAVE ENOUGH TO GO BY AND SURVIVE.
ALL I ND IS SOMEONE SPECIAL FOR ME TO LOVE.
AND TO CRE FOR AND VICE VERSA.
I DUNNOE IF I'M ASKING FOR TOO MUCH BUT YEAH.
SIGHS.EACH TYME I'M THERE FOR SOMEONE
I'M JUST YET ANOTHER FRIEND.HAIZ.IT'S JUST
SERIOUSLY HORRENDOUSLY INFURIATING.
FCUKING CUNT OF A SLUT! ARGHS.
I CNT TAKE THIS U NOE.ANY LONGER.
WANNA BE FRIENDS?I DUN ND TT.
WE'LL BE ACQUITANCE.IF TT WILL MAKE U HAPPIER.
I'M BREAKING UP INSIDE.I'LL LET GOD
SHARE THIS HEARTACHE WITH ME.
I WANNA THANK HIM FOR NUMBING ME.IT RLY HELPS.

THANK YOU DEAR GOD
THANK YOU GOD.I KNOW I'VE SINNED.
WAYYY TOO MUCH.THINGS I SHLDN'T DO AND STUFFS.
I APOLOGISES FOR ALL TT I'VE SINNED.
AND ALL E TROUBLE I'D CAUSED.
ALL E THINGS I HID TT CAUSED PPL TO SUFFER ALONGSIDE ME.
BUT ALL I WANNA SAY IMPORTANTLY IS
TO THANK YOU FOR ALL E MEMORIES I SHARE WITH HIM.
FOR LETTING MY PATH AND HIS CROSSED ONCE(:
IT WAS BEAUTIFUL RLY.IT WAS.I APPRECIATE
EVERY SINGLE MOMENT SPENT WITH HIM.
THOUGH I NOE HE ALWAYS WISHED HE'S SOMEWHERE
ELSE AND NOT WITH ME.BUT REALLY I APPRECIATE
JUST HAVING HIS PRESENCE WITH ME.
SIGHS.I'M BABBLING TOO MUCH.BUT HERE'S E ONLY
WAY I GET TO LET IT OUT.
SO FCUKERS;U DUN WISH TO NOE WHAT'S IN MY LIFE
OR TO NOSEYS.THEN ONE FCUKING ADVISE FROM ME.
JUST FCUK OFF FROM HERE AND WANK URSELF DRY OKAY?
JUST BUZZ OFF.I DUN ND ANYMORE NOSEY FCUKS.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

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Nora
Simpleton
Love-less
21 to be!

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