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Thursday, October 30, 2008
i simply wish for genuine simplicity in my already derived complicated lifestyle. i just want sth unreal.serenity. i want to learn new things serendipitously. it's rather tormenting to realise the fact tt we have to part with our adolescent life and build onto a whole new beginning. e very fact of parting with ur childhood hurts. i just wanna remain e kid i am in me. and nvr change in any way or how sighs. i love being who i was as a child. for with each yr tt i supposedly MATURED; just made me fl even more dolorous. like just so ironical.i'm supposed to be happier. as i'm getting older and maturing and more experienced. but all i fl deep within is emptiness;just a hollow vase. nt filled with anything of value nor sense at all. i fl lost and solicitously insane. i just simply cannot keep my head in place. it's all over.to fl lost in my own territorial atmosphere is simply delirious and infuriating.FCUK it. i just nd comfort in my own serenity. i just want to be loved and loved openly. i just wish for someone to hug me and let me know all will gd agn. i just wish for someone who ain't selfish and who wants me for me not just for what i bring home @ e end of e month. i want someone to love me; not for e money,nor e fame bt for who i rly am inside. it's really killing me inside.i fl hazardous in my own world.
i fl like i'm suffering from delirium or sth. a state whereby my mental confusion gradually increases its states over time and fluctuates in intensity and there's no way i can turn in to normal. i fl so delusional and paranoid. like noone loves me.noone cares.noone really bothers. like i'm simply here to please everyone but myself.
DEAR GOD i want a fairytale-d life. i need a prince charming to drop by with their horse carriage and bring me away to a place where only happiness lives ever after. a place when only smiles and laughter fills up e whole atmosphere. where noone will ever wanna run away but to stay in that serenity of a place. i just simply want to live happy. IS THAT A LOT TO ASK? i want serenity!peace and quiet. and i wanna be appreciated for who i am. i wanna be respected not taken advantage of. i wanna be look up upon as someone beautiful not tt fucking fat and ugly girl i fl now:( i wanna be special in every way. i just want a guy to hold me in their arms and he would proudly tell his dude that i am e one. e one he'd been waiting for all his life. and e moment he kisses me. my heart will melt like nth else matters. i just wanna be someone's someone.
haiz.i guess it's emotionally tragic to grow up. i wanna be e lil princess everyone adores. i'm really irritatinglly confusing ryte now. i just simply wanna be tt spoilt lil pampered girl tt my dad loves to protect and stnd up for. not this slut tt even my parents has loss their words to describe. this SLUT who takes things for granted. who never noe how to appreciate what god had given her. a mother's greatest loves and a loving(but crazy) family. e SLUT who always wants more of everything. who nvr noe e meaning of enough and to be grateful. simply cos she's just not happy with what she alrdy has. this slut who does rubbish.for e fun of it. who has her tongue pierced for ****** reasons. what happened to that child my parents brought up? she was much more disciplined,respectable and emotionally strong. that girl was gorgeous.she's e love of everyone's eyes. what have i change myself to?a TOTAL SLUT:(
