blog,
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
m.y.b.u.r.f.d.a.e.i.s.c.o.m.i.n.g
whoah.....
haha...
my burfdae is coming...
lol..
i want more teddies...
i want to ask my
aunt to buy 4 me tt H.U.G.E cute
teddy bear...
so huggable...
actuallie..huge is exaggerating too much
lah huh...
hehe..it's just
tt cute cuddly huggy thing..
hehe..
so cute...the teddy...
well...this burfdae was hoping to
be celebrating it wid
sumone speacialin my life
haiz...
but like it's alreadie skul start..
and summore like wth..
i can't reallie go out..till late u noe..
and it's like even if i meet
her it
wld be half an hour or an hour..
then it's like wad's the use of meeting at all aitez..
better never meet..
haiz...dunnoe lah...just see hw is it...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
disastrous.fightings.squabbles.quarrels.sobs.
relationship been on the rock
a few times..
quarrelling loads lately..
eventhough we've not been meeting up much...
but we're still having squabbles
which will juz grow bigger by words..
haiz..
me and her been reallie competitive...
both never wanna lose in word fight...
haiz...
so i reallie dunnoe abt this rs...
if it will ever last...
but i hope it will though...
coz i put high hopes in ggr...
well..guys had shattered my hopes...
hope butches wun do tt too..
coz seriously after this..i dunnoe if i'll ever wanna be
in a rs...
i tink after her i shall be single
all the wae..
hehe...cuz i dun want anymore heartache leh...
so yeah..ermz...
haiz...
-------*~~***~~*-------
Saturday, December 25, 2004
life's a living hell
atrocious..
haiz..skul is
starting hope its
gonna be a better yr
for my academics..
haiz...
hope i wun be sucha
disappointment agn...
-sobs-
well...
troubled.alone.isolated.stress.terrible
noone is gonna know abt me..
i mean..all this while...
do ppl actuallie know me?
know the real me?
nahhh...
dun tink so...
haiz...
guess i've neem a bad gf..
haiz...
wad to do...
i need my parents juz
as much as i needs u*
but haiz..
i dunnoe why i find it so hard
to respect ppl my age..
when they dun earn my respect
haiz..
arghhhhhh...
i dunnoe...
saw him str8 this few daez...
wun he juz leave me alone...
haiz...
bringing his new gf home..
think wad i gif a fuck ar?
no ok...
i'm so fucking hell over u.ass.
hah..
lucky thang my parents didn't
allow my butch to be brought to my hse..
coz i wld love to sneer at
u the same wae u did to me...
fuck ass....
heh....
eh guy..look here man...
i hv no regrets in leaving u aitez..
absolutely no regrets...
fuck offf.....
i wldn't have fuck care less if u brought the
bitch home..
but hey dun gif me tt fucked up sneering look
aitez...
heh...tt look isn't gonna make
me cry and begged u to take me back...
coz hey u wun triumph...
trust me...
the gal will leave u sooner or later
----------------------
am i being too cruel?haiz..
i know i shld be more nicer
and at the very least hope he'll be happier
wid whoever he is wid...
arghhhh heck care ar...
his leading his own life..
and i'm happie wid my own life..
maybe aminah is juz meant to be a lesbian all her life...
coz she'll nvr trust guy...
it will be tough 4 any guy to be mine..
set my expectations high...
hopefully the level will be toooo high
for bastards ass...
heh...
and i sae i wun mind being a les all my life too...
coz guys sucks...
boo....
if any guy can make me feel in heaven
nt thru sexual fantasies...
but the true meaning of love..
it wld be a miracle...hah...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
family dun feel like one.
my family dun even feel like a family
anymore..i slashed agn...
haiz..
sorrie dear
broke our promise...
i was emotional haiz...
had my pms...
so yeah...
i've been staying at home
this whole holz...
spent quality time wid family?
hah...
nooooo.....
juz bored out at home...
haiz..
mom is alwaez going dwn...
come back late at nite..
coz of tt we will alwaez quarrel...
coz i dun want my
mom to alwaez go out like tt...
eventhough she onli went downstairs..
haiz...
the bond in my family dun seemed
to be there anymore..
haiz..
the only time we spent together as a whole family
was the dae at indonesia...
we went for a holz together...
and i've been going out wid my aunt all the wae..
at times i feel like as if
my aunt seems to be more like a mother
rather than my mom...
haiz...
-sobs-
why am i bothered wid this kinda little things?
why shld i bother?
haiz....
love?is there reallie love in this c.r.u.e.l world?
haiz...
Thursday, December 23, 2004
prays to the toilet goddess.haha.
well...todae..
done nuthing much...
guess where i went?
7 eleven..sucha interesting place
to be at..
haiz..so u can guess hw
boring my holz is...
sth weird and shocking happen
tonite or shld i sae in the midst
morning...
a guy* confessed his love
to me....
-whoah-
but seriously...
is tt guy outta his mind?
haiz....
maybe he's kidding?
but he didn't sae he was...
haiz...
nt naming him...
so he can be anybody:P
hahaa...
i'm terribly shocked...
haiz..
well shall leave it be...
ermz...
weird man....
haha
well...i'm reallie bored...
ermz...didn't call her todaez...
kinda miss her..
haiz..
niamind..does she miss me?
hmmm....-tinks-
dunnoelahz...
wahliaoz...
the aunties under my block
sure are mad too...
blind..
haiyo...
ppl wanna know sth...
i gt loads of future mother in law...
i didn't want them..
haha but they want me...
haiyo...
haha...oh yeah...
guess wad he* my ex..
hv new gf...
haha...
fake promises..
buto...jump dwn...
next time dun try to swit talk lah huh..
BULLSHIT...
but hey i'm glad he*'s over me..
hahaha....
at least i dun hafta worry
if he still hv feelings 4 me or ntz..
muahahahha....
well...but i still dislike him
hrmphhh..
hw dumb cld i get...
to believe those words..
they were all so F.A.K.E....
well..tts y they're called guys..
hope this new gal will stand ur nonsense..
and fulfill ur desires..
-evil-
well..i guess i'm too innocent 4 u...
u need a wilder gal...
:Pi'm wild but to a certain extend...
but i hv my limits...
and i def stick to them...
once i draw my line...i wun cross them...
so yeah...too bad...
haha...hope this new gal wun hv to suffer like i did:P
hmmmmmmm.....
haiz...i'm tired..
i guess..i shld end here?
gdbyez....
well...
changed my template..
and i love it...
hehe..
ermz...holz r boredom
been staying at home...
did some studying...
haiz...
but can't reallie
concentrate much...
went to libs a couple of time...
one time met up wid lala
n joey...
thn lala dearie asked
my daddie 2 allow me go 2 the ice
skating palace at jurong...
yeah:D
my dad let me go...
hehe...
then we went ice skating...
so fun..
wid susu,melsa,cheryl,cheryl's sis
abigail,joey,joey's friend aaron and lala...
hehe..so fun..
fell right on my ass a few times..
trying to control my balance..
haha..
and tt lala had hella fun
pulling me dwn:P
haha...
then susu and me both dunnoe
but willing to take risk after a few falls..
then we managed to skate
quite far without supervision..
hehe...
but fun larhz...
one part so freaking funny....
i was holding suzana's hand...
cuz i scared to cross myself...
thn stupid suzana kinda loses her balance...
and pulled me along wid her...
haiz...
fell agn....
gt so wet...
my ass was not onli freaking wet...
but it was super cold too....
i was shivering can..
lucky thang i decided 2 bring a sweater
wid me...but it wasn't much help
though...
haiz...but i love tt dae...
juz tt one dae outing wid my friends...
did cheer me up a little...
but it wld hv been better if she* cld be
there...
cuz the whole time...i
cldn't take my mind off her...
wadever coupley stuff i see...will remind me of her*
haiz...wanted 2 go all out...
and be stress-free 4 a dae..
but i guess i can't unless she*'s wid me...
haiz...
there was loads of sad songs..and
also techno...
when it came 2 techno n rnb...
i wld dance a little..4 fun...
but when the slow romance or sad love songs came to air..
tears will sting my eyes...
haiz...
as my mind will wonder off...
thinking the pathetic state i'm in....
being singled out...
like i was kinda used 2 the feeling of
she*'s alwaez near me...
then went out wid her* juz felt different..
missed her* like mad..
but she* hurt me...
haiz...
hurt me by her* sarcasm...
her* spiteful words...
she* didn't even know my feelings.
and started 2 make assumptions..
haiz...
guess...tts life in love stores 4 u....
past will alwaez haunts u....
haiz..
tot i can leave my past as it is...
THE PAST.
but no...it'll alwaez
be repeated to me like as it's a chapter from
a book...
haiz....
how do i get rid of my past?
haiz..
well..i guess i've to face the fact tt my past are stucked wid me...
wherever i go..wid whoever i'm wid and whenever it is...
haiz...
-sobs-
hates my past....
well...i guess i dunnoe wad to sae...
haven't been meeting her* at all...
and she* dun seems least happie..
but there's no choice...
i hv to go over 2 my aunts...
busy wid my schedule..
that sometimes i cldn't hv time 2 tink of her*
haiz....tight schedule....
lots of hsework and nannying to do...
-blueks-
like i like those works..
haiz....
well...been out onli wid families or wid my sibs...
nia go out alone wid friends or anybody...
haiz...onli once and tt is went to ice skate...
haiz....
wished my dad hadn't found out abt my rs wid butch..
arghhhh.....wadever larhz....
i guess i need 2 end her...
i'm tired out...luv u peeps loads..
tag me often k...or i wld have nt much enthusiasm to blog...
hehehe....
-muackz-
-hugs-
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
yeah it's my mistake...
i can't go out
and fulfill my job as a gf...
but is tt my choice?
no....
i nvr wanted life 2 be like a
prison like this...
haiz....
y are u blaming me?
is it
my choice?
i'm left wid no choice
serious...
i tried 2 go out....
whn u came over
to kallang...
i cldn't go out...
i had 2 take care of my siblings...
but i still left my siblings...
and went to u...
i did tt without regrets....
and i gt home...
gt hell from my mum...
she told my dad...
now i can't even go dwn to shop
alone....
my privacy is gone...
but i try 2 remain cool...
my dad look dwn on lesbian...
u noe rite hw much i hate
ppl who look dwn on les?
but i gt no choice...
i still hv 2 respect him...
cuz he's my dad...
my one n onli dad...
wun u be able 2 understand tt?
haiz...
i can't use the phone
much but i still
heck care n call u everynite...
until nw my mum
gt fed up....
and sae it's either i use less
of it...
or i wun use it at all....
i gt no otha choice
aitez?
life is like hell
here...
at least u can go out wid ur friends...
but i?
i can't even go out....
u noe?
i can't even leave the hse alone....
haiz....
u noe hw bored am i...
yes i do miss u....
but wad else can i do?
i hv 2 stay at hm...
whnever i had the chance...
don't i meet up wid u?
haiz...
whenever i get a chance to go out
alone...
dun i meet u?haiz......
i dunnoe...
nw it's all up 2 u...
u wanna time out...
ok i'll go ahead ok...it's all up 2 u....
u hv all the rights i dun...
-sobs-
Saturday, December 04, 2004
well..
hmmmm..
i'm bored...
dunnoe wad to do..
so decided to blog...
haha...
i'm so tired...
fl like slping siahz...
-snores...
hahaha...
hmmmmmmm.........
on the 15 will go back 2 skul
n take my books...
thn shall pack my skul books..
hehe..
love my new bag...
it's sling bag..
retro type...
hehe.....
hmmmmm.....
can't wait.2 get back 2 skul....
yeah2....
next must concentrate
more on my skul...
cannot get 10 agn....
must aim 4 top 3 agn....
klah i gtg...
miss everyone...
esp her*......
