blog,
Saturday, July 31, 2004
well..
the firewerks was beautiful...
splendid?
nah..juz the same as last yr
but i sure like..
the 5 star one..
so cool..
wahh...so nice lah...jump 3 times..
cuz the sound was damn ear piercing..
haiz..
but the scene was beautiful..
reallie like thm...
well..
let's talk abt myself..
i'm still confused on my label..
am i str8 or crooked..
haiz..shld i be str8 or crooked...
i seriously dunnoe..
haiz...
guys are too egoistic...
too shallow..
too dirty...
most of them onli think of sex..
haiz..
joey..dun want me to turn
crooked..
thant kyi saez she
prefer me crooked..haiz...
i dunnoe which one 2 choose leh..
haiz..which shld i be??
str8?
or crooked?
*tinks...
still no answer..
haiz..4get it..i wanna do homewerk..
can tink
another time..
bb..
well....
todae..had 2.4 run..
ohmygod...scarie..i lost a bit
of hope lah..haiz..but at
least i managed to finish my runs
pheww..
ermz..thn i saw sumone helpless at the corner
thn i look agn..and saw it was suzana..
my god..my heart beat damn fast
siahz...i was like..wad happen
to her...she looked breathless..
she is lah..so i went over..
and pushed her hair awae frm her face...
my god..she's sweating profusely and
summore she's out of breath..
haiz...i look at her..i wanted to cry siahz..
stop myself..thn cikgu ask me take tissue..but i can't
find any..so i juz
take my towel and wipe her head...
and face..i was rough..so sorrie...
thn..
cikgu asked me to let her
lie on my back
so i did lohz..
thn they all keep shouting
"wake up"
thn..i gt nervous and turn ard
and ask cikgu if she can lie on my
shoulders instead...
cikgu nod..
so i let..and keep shaking her face
my god..haiz...
thn..she was carried by the ambulance
and i cried like fuck..
haiz...
i hate to see my friends
getting hurt...my tears juz came rolling dwn..
i cld see lots of others..
crying too...
mygod...haiz...
well..i reallie can't slp...
i need 2 noe if she's ok...haiz..but if
i dun slp tomoro i can't wake up
early..
and if i dun wake up early..
mom will get angry
and start to nag...
so in the end..i took slping pills..
and went to slp...
haiz...
hope 2hear her voice soon....
*missing susu...
thn after 2.4 went to nadz
hse 2 take my stuff
i left it there b4 2.4..haiz...
thn ryann also followed...
haiz...felt so lamp post-ey...
nadz toking 2 yan on the phone...thn
saedah and ryann in the room talking...
dun need to noe wad they
doing..haha
haiz..
all of a sudden..i missed
sumone..
whom is craziely..
shldn't be in my mind...
out of the blue..
i missed *her..
i wanted 2 cry..but i stopped myself...
haiz..thn i switched
my mindset..
and think of suzana instead...
haiz...
gt home..
and gt hell frm my dad..
haiz...cried agn..
thn ryann called me twice
but i dun wanna pick up or i'll hang up the
phone...i was damn pissed..
thn she called my hse..i shouted at
her..and slammed dwn the
phone...
haiz..
sorrie..i was sick n tired
irritated..
haiz..
i'm so useless..
haiz..i hate MYSELF!!
Monday, July 26, 2004
hmm...let's see todae..wad
happen..i was in skul...ermz...
we didn't had morning runs todae cuz
of the "mr quah news"
poor thang leh he..he already recovering
thn nw he's sick agn...
haiz..
juz imagine..lying on bed
nt knowing if u're live the
rest of the dae...
haiz...
well..ermz...i guess tts wad life is abt
ritez..well..wad to do
juz lay dwn n wait lorhz...
wait 4 the angel o' death to come and take u awae...
cuz he's suffering so much...
poor thing...
we used 2 cursed him so much in skul
cuz of his heartless punishment...
shouts and critism..
but i believe deep
within our hearts..we all missed him..
and loved him...
still remembered..tt time
napha test..2.4km run..i had 2 retake cuz i fail
thn cuz of those stupid sec 1s..
sickos..confusion was made..
well..ermz..
he shouted at me..thn i was so gonna cry
but kept my tears back..cuz
i heard frm ppl he hates ppl 2 cry
and he'll nt stop..instead critisise
more..so i forced my tears frm flowing...pretend
didn't hear a word he saez...
thn he let me go...
thn..had our lessons..thn during pe..i gaf my hp to
ibtisam..thn..dunnoe wad tt susu sae..
thn whn i ask ib 4 my phone back..
ib sae..susu ask me keep ur hp till after skul
thn i ask 4 wad keep my hp tt long?
thn she sae dunnoe..tt susu..thn i was like ok...
weird ppl..hmm...well..
*tinks..*wondering...
nehmind lah..heck care..ermz..
wad else ah happen?oh yeah..thn later gt stupid
homeroom..so we had to go back 1/2hr later..so listen
to the work shadowing thing..interesting
if gt a chance i wanna go to spca and werk
rite my darling shaheen?hehe...
ermz..thn dunnoe wad
tt ibtisam said she wanted 2 tok 2 me...
so i was like..i ask her sit beside me..but tt saodah
pulled her wid her..
niamind..wanna make me jealous...
dun care..i also dun like
her ready..she gt stead:P:P
haha..kk..i'm being lame..as usual...
ermz...thn tt stupid hmrm thang..
finished..thn i found out wad tt ib wanted tell me
..hehe..*secret...cannot tell
ppl..ahakz..
oh yeah me n nadz..in the morning
at 1st..i juz wanted 2 trick
malina..saying nadz
is wid yan..haha..thn the rumours spread
haha..see hw one lie leads to another?
haha..and hw one mouth leads 2 the other?
kk..ermz..but it was stupid lah
cuz everyone believe us...
thn i nothy2
tell ibbie..this was the conversation ok..
me:hey ib..u noe..tt nadzirah ryte..gt stead u noe...her name is yan..she's a butch..
ib:reallie..since whn?
me:two days ago...
*noticed change of look in ib's face..haha..but nt tt obvious lah..
ib:ok..*shock..hmm...i c...gd 4 her lah...
me:turn 2 lala n laughed my heads off...haha....
thn i went to nadz..and laughed all over agn..haha..
thn i was like..eh they all so dumb
they actuallie believed us...
haha...
even nadz closest friends
believe..haha...
especially tt gundu malina
haha..4ever blur lah tt gerl..damn blur one
haha..ppl next time u wanna trick anyone rite...
u all shld choose tt malina
haha..ermz...
wad else ah...oh yeah..2wks alreadie if i nt wrg..
i biang mel..can't be bothered liaoz...
she wants..she tok 2 me..i'll juz reply..casually...
but if she expects me to tok 2 her..
sorrie...i gt no time..
ermz..thn we went to the bedok macs..
hmm...forced my stead[shaheen] along..hehe..
thn gt this so cute..bedok view gerl..she onli
sec one..haha..she look so blur..hehe...
thn i went up 2 her and ask..convers went like:~
me:hey gurl..ermz..u're frm bedok view or bedok south?
ttcutegerl:huh?
me:are you frm bedok view?
ttcutegerl:yeah..i'm..
me:thank u..bb..
*giggles...
she darn cute siahz..summore she damn small size..like
so adorable liddat..haha..thn went to tt shaheen
who didn't wanna acknowledge me as her friend
so i sulk haha..
*whispers nora's pretending to be spoilt brat...
haha...
ermz..thn bought apple pie n shaheen an ice cream..
sorrie hunnie..i gt nt
enuf cash so cld onli belanje u ice cream
hehe..cheap mah..haha
sorrie k..
ermz..
thn i ask saedz sms utt agn..thn tt woman start asking silly questions and stuff.
haiz..i purposely repeat
myself a few times..
nt to sae
we frm sac....
but she said...
so there goes..utt..haiz..
nvm lah..muz let her go one dae rite
so mite as well be now...
if she can 4get a friend so easily...
thn y can't i!!!
haiz..maybe
cuz i'm more emotional...
hmm..cld be..
arhh..heck care lah...
well..thn went home..at home wad i do ah..
*tinks agn...
ermz..oh yeah..reached hm..thn my dad
wanted 2 karaoke...
so became the kj agn..
sickening..haiz..
thn put on their cd 4 thm
thn i went 2 change..
well..thn sat dwn here..
chatted wid tt ryann...
onli her..
thn i blogged..
haiz..
now my entry all so long one..haiyoh..
nvm...
Saturday, July 24, 2004
well..summary of todae..went out wid lala
saedz,priya and nadz..hmm..
supposed 2
watch the sisters..
but in the end..
landed in bedok..wid ryann..
haha..cuz sisters show..was at
1.10 in the morning
can..who's gonna watch?
crazie ah..haha..so we went ryann's
hse..tok2..thn we
went dwn to yan's
blk there
..sit dwnstairs..n continued toking..
waited 4 tt prince so long can..thn at 5.30++
we went home...yeah..i reached home sae
6++hmmm..thn i sneak up my
hse..lol..cldn't help it..thn cik lijah called me up..
so i said i was home long time ago..
thn my stupid dad ask me come down..
so now i'm bored..so well..
shall evaluate more on today's schedule or activities lah
huh..
todae..at 12.45 lala picked me up
wid cab..thn we drove to cityhall..thn me and lala
walk into mango and see clothes..
nice leh..haha..but ex..too ex 4 me lah ok..
ermz..thn tt priya sms me..so me n lala went to the
control station..priya was wid nadz..thn saedah sms and
said she'd reached..but tt blur block..had gone out of the
control station..so we all ask her to come in
back..thn we took the train to Dhoby Ghout..
thn we went to plaza singapura..went to the movies counter shit
lah..thn wanted 2 buy ticket..so we alreadie decided 2
watch sisters..but in the end..tt show was on at 1.10am..so who the hell is gonna watch?thn we look at otha shows..but
all the otha shows boring..wanted to watch ella chanted
looks like a gr8 show..but the show started 2 late..so we
decided nt to watch movies 4 todae..went to
the foodcourt n eat..i ate..mee siam and drank ice peach tea...
thn saedah ask if i still
wanna ask tt gerl
abt the kenal2 thing...
so we smsed her..
she was so swit can..haha
i mean tt gerl..ikah...
she didn't entertain ppl who gets
her number..so she was true 2 her werds
seriously..i admire this kinda ppl...
why cuz..they make reallie gd friends..
esp bestfriends...haiz..
n she proved 2 me..or rather..saedah
tt she's nt a FLiRt...
i already knew she wasn't a flirt long time ago
but still wanted 2 test juz in case..
and aren't i glad tt she proved me rite
and saedah wrg..
well..thn saedah came up wid her own ideas...
she ask if i wanna follow her go 2 ryann's hse..
thn i teased her..saying..i dun wanna be lamp-post..n all tt shit
thn..she gt irritated..so i pujuk her...
saying i'll follow her go to her darl ryann's hse...
so in the end..every one on the table..wanted 2 follow
to ryann's hse..so after everyone finish eating..we
went off to bedok...took mrt..stop at b.i..thn
took bus no.60..thn we went off towards..ryann's hse...
thn reached..ryann waited at the bus stop..thn me n saodah
making fun of ryann's ass..haha..
thn..went up 2 her hse..thn nt 1/2 hr later..
we were on our way down..
we went dwn n go 2 yan's void deck there...
thn we all sat dwn n tok2...haha
thn the 2 lover birds..sat at one bench..
thn nadz sat wid lala...
priya sat at the otha side..n me on the otha side...
so lala n me played cat n mouse[in a wae lah]
she took my hp..thn wanted 2 throw it ard..sickening...
thn i had 2 chase her..thn tried coaxing her..by
telling her abt joey...haiz..
but she still dun wanna gimme my phone..
thn priya help me..haha...
thn lala walked like bimbo..haha..
kept making fun of her..thn tt yan came dwn...
thn gt another lover birds...
*coughs.....
haha..*hmm..hm..hmmm*..nt telling who..haha..
juz try guessing lah huh...
they suit leh...reallie like couple liddat..haha..
hmm..there goes malina..hahahahahaha...
*evil laughter
well..shall nt be so evil..ermz..
thn after tt went home..
while going hm..lala took tt saodah hp..
haha..thn we played songs n stuff..thn nadz came
and ask if saedah's phone is wid us..
thn lala n me ran..haha..thn saedah went a bit mad..thn
came chasing after lala..haha..thn lala
ran to the opposite road..
haha..thn saodah was mad liddat...
thn lala accidentally..dropped saodah's phone..
thn tt hyper woman went screaming..
coincidently..when she was screaming..
gt this two mats..juz alighted frm the bus..
thn the two mats..was like..grinning..n looking at
saedah..thn i started laughing..haha
cuz she look so paiseh..thn lala came over n returned her
phone...thn i ask tt saedah wait wid me 4 the bus..
thn sms ryann..ask her come over 2
the bus stop..so the 2 lovers can be alone..haha
jk lah..dunnoe whether they even like each otha or nt...
hmmmz...but personally..i reallie tink they suit each other..so
yeah..haha..but tts my point of view..bt sure abt them..
P.S.:i hope my words aren't like HURTING u..juz trying
to voice out my feelings..n frust..and vent my anger on this
stupid online diary..sorrie if it hurts u..
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
i'm so confused..haiz..why am i like..wanting her friendship so much???haiz...well..juz nw..went blog hopping?haha..thn caught a few interesting sites..wid pics..haha..one of thm is ash's blog..ryann's friend..she look so ermz..gangster..scarie siahz...sorrie..ermz.. yeah..hmm...i'm reallie bored..hmm...added a few more ppl in friends..if nt wrg..i also added tt carmen..hrmphh...i very bored.. seriously..haiz..i want .......nvm..buai.z....
Monday, July 19, 2004
Horoscope
Your Monday Horoscope, Aminah!
Love at first sight happens so rarely. You might be able to discern that the chemistry you have today with someone special is not exactly love. But it is close enough to love to be described as strong liking.
Here's who you'll love…
Capricorn
You're liable to be most naturally compatible with your fellow Earth Signs. You'll feel completely loved with Taureans, find long-lasting comfort with Virgos, and achieve long-term security with other Capricorns.
You might have some difficulty seeing eye to eye with free-spirited Aries and overly social Libras. And you'll find most Geminis to be a bit too carefree for you. Relationships with Cancers, Scorpios, or Aquarians could be challenging but also very rewarding.
hey...why do i alwaez hv this bad feeling..like sth bad's gonna happen..haiz..i skipped 2 class todae..lazy go..i skip my mt..and my pe..i was wid tt ibtisam..she crazie siahz..btw..is ermz..morning run considered as lesson?cuz if it is..haha...i skipped tt too..lazie ah..haha..k my horoscope was like so shocking..it's so true..hmm..maybe it's juz sum strg liking..or maybe..i juz want to get closer 2 her..n i want be my bestfriend?i dunnoe..haiz..i wanna play ouija board!!!!haha kidding..haiz...tadaz...
Saturday, July 17, 2004
at times i question god..why..why me?why must it always be me tt loses someone or sth i loved or adored...haiz..y is it so hard 2 let her go?whn i onli sae noe her 4 ermz..2 or 5 days at least..y is it hard?no..i can't love her..she barely noe me..n i barely noe her.. but y do i fl like as if i've known her forever??haiz..y?is it cuz of her real easy going attitude tt gt me so attracted 2 her?sth in her tt stops me frm losing grip on her..haiz..i missed the times i spent wid her tt dae..haiz...she was so swit n kind...haiz..but y muz we end it this waE?but i guess..i gt 2 undrstd..it's her uncle.. they're so close..haiz..but being friends is wrg?haiz..i dunnoe lah..
and wad hurt me more was tt sms..i tink i deleted it off..u called me princess n stuff..haiz..i kept all her smses...i can't let go at all..seriously..wad's wid me?haiz..why dun i fl this wae whn i'm wid faizal?haiz...yyy???y i can delete most of faizal's smses..but nt hers???...haiz....is it reallie infactuation???and it came in shocking 2 myself..i cried whn she sae..we can't contact nimorez.. the tears juz came rolling dwn..i fl like sum trash...haiz...maybe we aren't meant 2 be..but..y the hell did god make me meet u in the first place..if he's gonna separate me frm u???haiz...y muz god alwaez take awae tings tt i like???haiz...y is he so bias 2wards me??
why alwaez me??haiz.......why can't i hold on to sth i adore 4ever? haiz.....i reallie fl like slashing..haiz........
Don't want you back
See, I don't.. know why.. I liked you so much,
I gave you all of my trust..
I told you.. I loved you..
Now that's all down the drain..
You put me through pain..
I wanna let you know how I feel..
::CHORUS::
Fuck what I said.. It don't mean shit now..
Fuck the presents, might as well throw 'em out..
Fuck all those kisses, they didn't mean jack..
Fuck you, you hoe.. I don't want you back..
Fuck what I said.. It don't mean shit now..
Fuck the presents, might as well throw 'em out..
Fuck all those kisses, lthey didn't mean jack..
Fuck you, you hoe.. I don't want you back..
You thought.. you could.. Keep this shit from me..
Yeah, you burned bitch.. I heard the story..
You played me.. You even gave him head..
Now you're asking for me back..
You're just another hag..
Look elsewhere 'cause you're done with me..
::CHORUS::
Fuck what I said.. It don't mean shit now..
Fuck the presents, might as well throw 'em out..
Fuck all those kisses, they didn't mean jack..
Fuck you, you hoe.. I don't want you back..
Fuck what I said.. It don't mean shit now..
Fuck the presents, might as well throw 'em out..
Fuck all those kisses, they didn't mean jack..
Fuck you, you hoe.. I don't want you back..
oh, oh, uh huh, yeah..
oh, oh, uh huh, yeah..
oh, oh, uh huh, yeah..
oh, oh, uh huh, yeah..
You questioned.. Did I care?
You can ask anyone.. I even said you were my great one..
Now it's.. over..
But I do admit I'm sad..
It hurts real bad..
I can't sweat that cos I loved a hoe..
::CHORUS::
Fuck what I said.. It don't mean shit now..
Fuck the presents, might as well throw 'em out..
Fuck all those kisses, they didn't mean jack..
Fuck you, you hoe.. I don't want you back..
oh, oh, uh huh, yeah..
oh, oh, uh huh, yeah..
oh, oh, uh huh, yeah..
oh, oh, uh huh, yeah..
oh, oh, uh huh, yeah..
oh, oh, uh huh, yeah..
oh, oh, uh huh, yeah..
oh, oh, uh huh, yeah..
Monday, July 12, 2004
well..shall highlight 4 the whole week lah k..wadever i can remember.. ermz..let's see..i remembered going 2 his hse 4 2 daez...i managed 2 ask him all my doubts abt him..and he seemed 2 answer thm truthfully.. n i guess..he changed...i managed 2 tell him wad i like n dun like..n hw i hated 2 be forced to do things i dun like..i was str8forward wid him..i guess it helps..ermz..he was so sweet to me both days i went to his hse..well..i guess..our relationship is up n going agn..hmm...oh yeah latiff..btw..ur webbie is nice..ermz..juz tt ur werds seem 2 sunken in together wid the background colour..try 2 make the werds stand out ok..the rest shld be juz fine..well..i guess my week is a boring week..see u guys ard..oh yeah..4gt abt the chalet..ermz..met ryann..saedah's friend?...hahakz..well..cool bunch of butch...ermz.. hw do i put it..they are all so swit..n coolio?haha..kk..we sat at the waterbreaker...thn we went off 2 the chalet..eat n stuff..thn saedah gtg..so me n ryann sent her off..thn me went home wid ryann n gang.. haha..make thm sound so baddie..hehe..sorrie..yeah..had fun lah in the chalet..juz a bit of ermz...mad here and there..but the rest shld be fine...yeah..well..let's see..thn 2 daez later..after skool followed lala..she forced me 2 follow her go east coast..thn summore kena forced 2 swim minus my clothes..so at 1st i was wid lala's shirt..thn inside the water..lala n all forced me out of my shirt..they pulled it out..thn gt 2 mat skim..haha..i was so embarrassed can..paiseh..was juz in my bra n shorts..haiyoh..haha..kk..thn joey sent me hm..wid lala lah..of crse..haha..i guess..tts all..shall update more sum otha time..time 4 me 2 go 2 skool...chiaoz..
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
haiz...life is terrible todae...at first it was gr8..went to his hse.. wid shaheen,mai and aishah..i've cleared out the mess btw me n him.. but in the afternn whn i came back..his sis n me were cycling..thn i totally 4get 2 delete his msg..thn she go n read..she recognised the number..as her dad's number..thn she was fucked up angrie..i felt like crying..haiz...did i do anything wrg..nw i'm going to suffer alone.. shall nt disgress why..haiz...i fl so scared to face thm..once she noe..means the whole family mite noe...haiz..and i tink i lost my godsis..who is his sis..baby..i'm afraid..she's so close 2 me..nw..all of a sudden..she juz start to blow up..haiz..i fl so afraid..hw am i 2 face thm tomoro...haiz...i fl like crying man..i fl so haiz....4get it..who cares of wad i feel anywae..dun tink anyone is reading my blog also...*cries*..why muz it alwaez be me...
Saturday, July 03, 2004
Well..todae's arts alive..lala bought me a ticket..so i had 2 go no matter wad..cannot waste her money marhz...well..so in the end..after begging my stubborn dad..i managed 2 soothe his heart n go 4 the arts alive...met joey at the bedok interchange..thn...jasmine wah came...thn thant kyi..ohmygod..i saw her 4 the 1st time in like ermz...sae 3-5 mths?i tink...she changed a lot leh..became so much more yandao...wah..tt floppy hair gerl..2 this spiky yandao..big difference leh...haha..kk..nt insulting..juz tt..the difference juz came in shocking...ok..i guess i had fun..but i went off early..cuz i scared daddie scold...ermz..guess tts all?..haha..oh yeah...whn i reached home..i made my bro n sis go slp..thn i go dwn..n be wid cik lijah they all...haha...thn stayed dwnstairs..till sae..ermz..3 am in the morning..siaoz siahz..haha...
