blog,
Sunday, February 29, 2004
juz nw went 2 east coast..2 celebrate neighbour's son burfdae..went there sae ard 10 sth.."chop" place...thn my sibs all went 2 swim..n my dad wanted 2 go 4 wedding n cum back later..so i went 2 the bathroom..n bathe my sis n bro..thn..i was bathing them..i saw 2 mats..at first cldn't be bothered abt thm..thn skali..noticed sth familiar..abt their face..skali its the anak metro guy.. haikal..n one also gt act sum show..dunnoe wad larhz..thn i was like eh.. thn they smiled..so i smiled back..haha..thn..i went off..
thn later..dad went 2 wedding..they came back..thn..i was sitting..after swimming..i was sitting..thn i nibbled on a hotdog..thn i saw the other guy..the one wif haikal..was like smiling..4 dunnoe wad..n the others of his family??was juz looking at me n smiling..haha..thn i was confused..so i juz look awae..**hmm..wondering why??**..nvm..thn..we sang burfdae song..he look over at us..thn my neighbour made a stupid kinda sound..n everyone laughed..haha..they r so funny can..oh yeah..4gt..tt "glamour" guy was there..his mum call him tt..haha..thn he was wif this surfboard..thn..i look at him..he look at me..i juz look awae..haha funnie..yesterdae also..at the dangdut thing..he must be shock larhz huh..haha..yeah..thn i was all the while waiting for
him..but he never came...haiz..nvm..thn dad wanted 2 go hm..so we went 2 abg boy's place n tumpang his car hm..haha..sure was hell in there..so hot n there is so many ppl squeezing..haha
thn reached hm..saw
his wife..thn i alighted n saw
him..went 2 salam everyone there..thn i salam
him..thn i was wondering..why
he and
his wife like gif me a look tt saez they sth is up..so i juz ignore..n look awae..n i played wif amilia..so cute..haha..she so chubby... thn..i asked
his wife where her children is then she sae upstairs..yeah..
thn tts all..buaiz...tc..muakz..
Saturday, February 28, 2004
Ahhhhhhhhh.....I'm in love all over agn...at the side of
him..
his stare,his sweet smile,his moves,his frown,his dances,his sexy ***,his lips,his face,his eyes,his nose,his cheeks,his ears,his hair,his hands,his legs,his body,his molehaiz..onli if i can get
him..haiz..i love everything abt
him..
Todae so fun can..dance my booty off haha..DANGDUT!!!...all u needa do is
gelek..shioooookkkk..haha..kk..shall start frm the front kkk..went 2 cc at 7 sth..cik oyah was singing..thn..i saw
him..thn i sat dwn..they r juz singing welcums..thn..later one fast song was sang...me didn't dance yet.. thn later the next song..cik misha forced me to dance..so had 2 dance..haha.. so rabak..gelek here..n there..n there were hundreds of mat kentals..haha.. but i wasn't a bit bothered by thm..haha..too bz looking at
him..thn gt one time..i look behind at the dj station..to look at
him..but
he wasn't there..i went frantic..n search everywhere..my eyes went everywhere in search 4
him...thn there
he was..dancing wif
his wife..
he dance so sexy can..my god..and i juz realise he gt such a sexy ass n kissable lips..my god..i almost kissed him can..lucky i didn't orelse his wife wld hv slapped me 4 gd...haha..i was so engrossed in looking at
him tt i totally didn't realise i was moving my ass too much.. haha..thn those stupid mats..start 2 do childish stuff..can't be bothered..thn i juz blink at them..haha..thn kak fauziah's husband dance so well..haha..he hv tt flirty look..thn he look at me while dancing..i juz laughed..he so noisy haiyoh..shout here shout there..gif me headache onli..haha..but he's a LOUD guy..haha..i danced all the wae..onli stop whn it cums 2 those stupid old malay song..where u hv 2 dance traditionally..urghh..needa be so gentle n ladylike..haiz..my ass..thn
he smiled at me..i was like grinning back.. my bestest smile..haha..thn i dance even rowdier..haha..was so rowdy 2dae.. but who carez..i am juz having loads of fun..
Todae was the longest time where i cld juz stare at
him nonstop..n no one wld stop me or notice a thing..life's gr8 man..whoahz...wonderful..haha..
i'll alwaez love
HIM 4ever...muakz..
Monday, February 23, 2004
love my new template..one of the kitten look like my kitten..hehe..yeah..haiz.. these daez been putting up a gd upfront..noone seems 2 notice nithing..haiz.. at least i dun need 2 involve my friends wif my probs..why shld they care niwaez..they r too busy wif their own life..so yeah..this prob ish so hard n yet i hv 2 suffer alone..dun want my fwen 2 be involve as they muz be bz n hv their own probs..yeah..i am nw getting better at hiding my feelings..yeahz..
but noone noes abt my crying heart which is tearing apart..bcuz of sth..which is already soaked wif tears..i felt like slashing agn but no use..dun wanna trouble nione..n shall listen 2 my abg sari n joey..nt 2 gif myself physical pain as well as emotional pain..rite joey?u promise 2 blog n write us email..haiz..where r u..wonder wad u doing nw..miz u siahz...lala seemed 2 be also putting up a gd front..n i dun wanna tell nithing as i noe her probs is even more thn mine..haiz..i guess tts all 4 nw..bb...
Thursday, February 19, 2004
well..yesterdae..abg came..he was so angrie..haiz..regret doing all the stuff's tt made him angrie..shall nt do it agn..promise..thnks..tc..bb
been sick..n rotting at home..doc sae i'm under stress tts all..yeah..btw..i needa go 4 nw..bb
Sunday, February 15, 2004
wad did i do?abg..i didn't do anything wrg..ur sis ask me 2 call nt i did myself.. y am i getting the blame 4 things i didn't even do..or accidently do..haiz..i am useless aren't i?i am stupid ritez..and i am a jinxed aren't i??i am such a bad luck...haiz...I SUCKS 2 E CORE!!!!!
tonite..i was at the coffee shop at my blk there..haiz..thn i noticed
he cut his hair..thn i sae 2
him..eh u cut ur hair..thn
he nods n smiled..thn
his wife asks me..yeah..so does
he look handsome
..and i was like dwn there..in my heart..
he's alwaez handsome..tts why i love
him..thn i nod n laugh..they
his wife..juz smiled..i was like keep looking at
him..thn i asked
his wife..did
he dyed his hair..she said yeah..long time ago..i was like..everytime i look at
him..my heart beats so fast..thn my heart wld like sae.."
He's so cute..haiz..Wished
he was mine..."but
he is married..can't break
his marriage lorhz..haiz..but i am seriously in love wif
him..haiz..well..like joey sae..muz tink onli of ur loved ones happiness..so as long as
he's happie wif
his wife's..it's ok 4 me..i will def do anithing juz to sae the sweet smile on
his face..haiz.. but i promise 2 alwaez be there 4
him also if
he needs me..but i want
him to noe tt I LOVE
HIM A LOT...but i noe tt will never be a dae 4 tt..cuz thn i will hv 2 see
him sad n disappointed...haiz...cuz
he wldn't expect such stupid things frm me..haiz..so let it be my secrest for my life..haiz..
haiz..todae went out wif lala..joey..saedz..jasmine n my cousin..rosma..so fun can..we were at orchard thn..saw joey..she gaf me this very cute looking doll.. n a freaking long letter..thnks joey..so swt of u..hehe..n we went 2 eat at far east plaza..thn went 2 take neoprints..quite nice..my cousin is alwaez bullying me..hrmphhh..nuffair!!!..nvm..but it was so fun..thn jasmine had 2 go n queue 4 mtv thing..and saedz had 2 go n meet chris n ppl..thn left me..joey..
lala..n my cuz..we went 2 cineleisure..[however u spell it]..n took studio photo
the one lala n joey took so nice can...haha..lala so CHIO..haiz...yeah..thn we went 2 eat ice cream..thn lala made this very nice keychain..wif her n joey pic on it..so swt..haha...thn joey gaf lala n t shirt..n a bunch of roses..thn we went out..we wanted 2 take pics at youth park there...but me n my cuz was disgusted by the mats there..so we crossed the road..n took pics at the place where it saez youth park..so nice..we tk loads of pics..wif me n joey..thn lala n joey..haiz...i sure gonna miz joey..thn we all went back into the studio to take our pics..turn out 3 be gr8 can..me n lala together wif joey n my cuz..thn we cldn't wait so decided 2 go hm..me n my cuz..lala n joey stayed..so i hugged joey for the last time..n hug lala gdbye..and went off..i was close 2 tears..but held thm back..nw my tears can't stop..its running dwn..like raindrops..
i am being seperated frm 3 ppl..one is joey coz she is going overseas..n 2nd is my favourite neighbour..whom i already treat like godmother..n i love her so much..thn my parents nt allowing me to be close 2 her..the last one is my fav auntie n family including abg sari..haiz..why is my parents like this..they noe i luv thm a lot..n yet they purposely had 2 make me suffer..n dun be wif anybody i like..i alwaez hv 2 do wad they sae..everyone i love or get close 2.. there's alwaez their reasonings n faults..i wonder y..haiz..i can't take it lorhz.. they r fucking so pverprotective..haiz..juz forget it larhz..can't be bothered already..they treat me like i am sum doll wif no feelings..they angrie they venge their anger on me..they sad..they make me feel guilty..they happie..they force me to be happie like thm..sumtimes i dunnoe who the real person i am..i am so confused..feels like i am in this cage where all my feelings n relationships is being controlled..haiz..i feel like some robot..like a dumbo..i feel afraid 2 face the world..coz i feel so lowly of myself..i feel like i am some stupid gerl..who onli noes hw to put her brains in studies but nt in reality..i am afraid 2 face this werld where everyone noes theirselves..i am forced to do be all this..n i feel..like i am a gd 4 nuthing..n i am juz here in the werld to bring misfortune 2 others...adding 2 their burdens...making ppl's life miserable..n sad..n alwaez make ppl's life full of complication..n destroying ppl's relationship..i am a useless girl..who juz nie hw 2 eat n waste ppl's money..all this are facts..i am stating facts!!!!*cries*why can't i be like others?they hv such gr8 life..loving n undrstding parents..problems tt can be solved.. haiz..
Friday, February 06, 2004
In this haze,
I tried my best to survive.
As I sat dwn,
And saw the days zoomed by.
I became afraid.
Really afraid.
What if my dreams will shatter
Before I cld achieve it.
What if I grow up to be a gd 4 nuthing?
What if my wish or
Rather my dream to be in jc
Just withered like that.
Building a strg foundation is all it takes.
But it's easy 2 sae but sumthing hard 2 achieve.
I tried my very best.
To achieve what I really want in school.
But everything is slacking.
My studies.
My focus.
Everything.
If I don't focus,
I can guarantee a B or even a C
For all my exams...
And I can't accept that!
I need an A or at least a B+
But never C!!!
Life is terrible..
Time seems to fly by!
Sooner than later we will all be sitting 4 our O's
What I'm afraid of is,
What if I won't be awake by thn?
What if I'm still in my dream world
A world of fantasies and dreams!
Where to me no reality exists
Where everyone can get n do whatever they want
Without needing 2 care whether or nt its rite or wrg
And life is stress free!!
Where everyone's love-life is a SUCCESS!!!
Not a single one is left heartbroken or wounded!
Where all wounds will be healed completely
Where education is not as important as basic respect n love!!!
That is my dream world!!!
RealiTY Is CrUeL!!!
Thursday, February 05, 2004
Sum ppl sae i am nt in deep shit..they fucking hell haven't noe my freaking asshole dad..rtc call me n i am deadmeat..help frenz also useless...liddat i go help strangers more worthwhile..regret going..regret agreeing 2 get an mc!!! fuck...if onli we hadn't go 2 ecp..then all this wldn't hv happen..onli if all of u had listened 2 me n saed n listen to all ur parents noise..everything wld be fine..haiz..4 the time being..juz leave me alone!!!!i am scared abt wad's gonna happen..mrs joseph said 2 my face..i am a liar...u noe hw tt hurts..and the others didn't even fucking hell get scolding..so this is wad i get 4 trying 2 cover u ppl up???
And fucking mrs joseph..if u r reading..fuck of u uglie panda..u sucks..all u wanna noe is the truth!!!u neva care abt our feelings..n u cared more abt e prefects reputation..go n fuck all ur prefects ah...fucking hypocrite..juz bcuz saedz was wif fadillah..u let her off so freaking easily..fine larhz..i am receiving all the blame juz bcuz i am denying facts!!!!!all ur fucking prefects r the goodie 2 shoes..in front of u like one bloody guai..behind u turn out 2 be one fucking bitch...let dwn hair...flirt...wtf!!!if the fucking skool reputation more important thn us student tell u this go n live wif ur fucking skool...n dun let students cum 2 ur fucking skool...and if u r alwaez praising those prefects.. take notice...u spelt prefect wrgly in the yr bk...perfect!!!so u implying???tt all prefects r supposedly perfects?kisS mY aSs!!!oK...Fuck OfF bItChEsS...
